…your idea of comforting a child involves using a papoose board.

…you think involuntary sterilization should be a requirement to get on welfare.

…you assume every patient with back pain is a drug-seeker until proven otherwise.

…you find yourself telling the Motrin overdose which of her medicines are really dangerous.

…you think there should be a DRG code for “Too Stupid to Live.”

…lost vibrators and lost condoms are so routine you don’t even bother to gossip about them.

…you consider it a compliment when certain patients swear at you.

…you automatically hold your breath as you prep the patient for  the pelvic exam.

…you’ve told a crying drunken driver that God was trying to kill him, but God missed.

…you know what Norbest Syndrome, Porcelain Titer, Feather Count, and FOS Syndrome mean.

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Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

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